a little bit of "hmm..."

Saturday, January 06, 2007

a little bit of "hmm..."
and some strong thoughts to donna lange


hmm....

i think i am a little hmm....

not happy, not sad, tired, bit contemplative, could easily get a bit grouchy. all that equals hmm...

i am laying on the futon pondering things, something i do far too much. i dont have anything deep to say. i am missing the real life guy somewhat, still trying to tell myself its for the best, feeling sad that nothing came out of it, and feeling sad that it ended the way it did. i really liked him an awful lot, i still do like him. i would still happily be seeing him if we could have progressed into something more. i just didnt like only ever being at his place or mine...i wanted to go out to the movies or to dinner, to meet each others friends, do stuff together. thats the only thing that was bothering me. i really enjoyed him, i enjoyed him ever so much, and would have liked to have been his girlfriend. getting upset with him has nothing to do with not liking him, i just didnt like what happened. i stupidly wrote a long email to him that i took a day to edit, and that had far too much stuff in it, hung onto it, then sent it. i am sure that i just added nails to the lid of whatever we had ending. the things i do while in the throes of a hormone rush.

i am terribly emotional during my cycle. i phoned an ex boyfriend once and tried to break up with him on the phone because i was falling in love with him. i actually told him that it was over, simply cause i loved him, and it was scaring the dickens out of me. it took me months 'til i could even tell him i cared for him, then when i did, i tried to break up. thankfully, he was an understanding fellow, drove over to my place, hugged and held me, and understood that i was scared silly of my emotions towards him. he really wasnt a bad fellow in his heart. it is pretty easy for me to get scared when i start to have feelings, and to turn around and self destruct whatever situation i am in.

and i think i just self destructed the one i had with the real life guy.

i have to go, my online friend just stuck his head in. he almost always makes me smile and laugh, and stimulates my mind at the same time. i am so thankful for his friendship. hes making me smile right now telling me of folks who are sailing around the world. here is the link to a song he said i may like, and what i am listening to right now.

http://www.donnalange.com/images/01_Keepin_On.mp3

thank you my friend. may you know happy things....

and i hope that whomever is reading this knows happy things as well..and that they enjoy the song. it is written by a strong woman sailing all by herself around cape horne right now. she has encountered some rough weather from what i understand. i am sending her some strong thoughts for this day...

:)
lou

later...

i returned to the donna lange site after my friend logged off. i have tears running down my cheeks for what this woman is doing, the adventure she is on, and what the driving force is behind it. i think i understand part of her drive. wow...she sure is one strong woman. i admire what she is doing. and tonight i am sending out some thoughts of strength to her. i am sending out thanks as well 'cause tonight i needed to read this. she is a pretty unusual woman..singing her way around the world in her sailing boat, conquering her demons and fears, and bringing healing to her soul. :)

http://www.donnalange.com/home.html


thank you for sharing her with me my friend. :) i needed this tonight.