i read an essay earlier this year which stayed with me. it was about true love and connections. i think bell hooks, in her book "all about love: new visions," has a wonderful theory.
to condense, hooks explains true love as the total acceptance of another person, of unconditional and selfless love, and of loving simply to support the other person to be the best person they can be, to lift them up and watch them succeed in all areas. when we are in this relationship, we can truly be ourselves and drop all pretenses.
unfortunately, when we meet other people, we are often on our best behaviour - we look our best, smell nice, say the right things...and our true self is not shown. which is why, when we have fallen in love, we can fall out of love a couple of years later when the true self arises. we end up wondering what happened to the person we fell in love with. yet the person that shows up two years later is more the true self rather than the persona we fell in love with. true love accepts the true self of another person, true love enables the true self to be revealed. (and yes, i think goffman was really onto something with his dramaturgy theory of interpersonal interaction, and jung with personas.)
to carry on with bells theory, we can meet people and have a connection with them. we can have connections with more than one person in our lifetime. we can meet someone and share an amazing connection with them yet, for some reason, the relationship can fizzle out. this occurs because one of the people is not ready to delve into the potential bonding of two people. most of us yearn for true love, yet when we are faced with the real possibility of it occurring, we can shy away and are not prepared to embrace it and to allow the relationship to progress. true love takes a lot of courage from both people. we will be lucky if we experience true love once in our lifetime, if at all.
so.. this is what i think about when i think of true love, of meeting and of choosing to love someone. i think of this selfless love, and that is what i aim to give. if i love someone, i will give them everything i can emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. unfortunately, i do not always think that i deserve it back in return so i tend to give far more than what i get back. this is what part of my journey into relationships is about. it is about accepting love in return, and about expecting more than what i currently accept.
smudge the cat is here. he is trying to climb up on my shoulder again to nuzzle into my hair. he loves me as long as i put food in his bowl...i guess animal love isnt unconditional.
i have graphics waiting that i have to finish today. i should probably move on with the day, and get some work done. i hope that you have a smile today, and that something pretty comes your way.
:)
lou
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